Forgiving Doesn’t Mean That You Have To Forget

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As I got older, I started to understand what true forgiveness is. I would always think there was some ulterior motive behind an apology. Like, “sorry I hurt you, can I have access to your energy again even though I am not going to change anything?” Most of the time, if I accepted their apology and allowed them back into my life, I ended up regretting it.

So, I started avoiding confrontation by blocking them and never talking to them again. That was my go-to defense mechanism. I thought it would help protect my heart, but I collected more internal baggage each time I didn’t express my feelings.

“Forgive but never forget,” they say. How? Have you ever looked at someone and could tell that they aren’t genuinely sorry? Their body language was off, and you keep replaying in your mind the lies they told, manipulations they used against you, or their abusive ways. I didn’t understand how I could forgive someone I can’t trust and that I no longer wanted in my life. Nah, I am good!

It’s like I lost a piece of my heart every time I got hurt. Then I turned cold and used harsh words to protect it. There is a sense of control when you hurt someone like they hurt you. If I forgive them, they get the victory over me. Right?

My mind and actions stayed stuck like this for the majority of my adult life. Then it was time for me to apologize to someone. I wanted them to accept my apology wholeheartedly. Wait, did I want them to accept my apology, but I didn’t accept apologies from others?

I can’t lie; it’s hard to trust someone when you have been betrayed by so many people that you trusted. At the same time, I don’t want to spend my life holding grudges against everyone that did me wrong. All that baggage takes a toll on your soul after a while.

When I was younger, I did some dumb stuff and have changed in many ways since then. We all make mistakes, and there are times when someone is genuinely regretful and sorry.

I am starting to understand that I would forgive people and then allow them back into my space when I didn’t have to. People would come back into my life and do the same thing that would hurt me because I didn’t set clear boundaries or speak up for myself.

I needed to stop bringing up the past hurt and situation after receiving an apology for it. Either I accept it wholly, or I don’t. If I don’t, I had to let them go because I no longer trusted them and probably never will. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that they need to be in my life. It’s just accepting who they are and their actions, healing from the situation and moving forward with your life with or without them.

Giving a fresh start to someone can be difficult, but it’s the best thing to do after an apology. If it doesn’t work out, at least you know you tried, and you gave it everything you got. Now you walk away from this person knowing their true intention, which you can use as a lesson to help you in future relationships.

Try not to close your heart up because of past pain and trauma. You never know; if you forgive someone, it can positively change your life if you let it. Follow your intuition too! If their vibes are off or you get a certain feeling about someone, trust it and proceed with caution and boundaries. Keep loving those people from afar. Trust me; you know deep inside if you should keep a person in your life or not.

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