Freeing Myself From Self-Doubt

I allowed years of my life to fly by, sitting in the dark of fear and comfort because I was scared to shed any light on myself. Being in my comfort zone was easier than conflict, criticism, anxiety, and failure. My overthinking brain would take over and continuously tell me that I’m not capable or intelligent enough to take on new projects that I knew deep down in my heart that I could accomplish these goals if I tried. I doubted my capabilities and allowed others to question my potential as well. All I wanted to do was step into my “Mamba Mentality,” but I self-sabotaged so I didn’t have to feel rejection.

Watching Netflix, scrolling through social media, making music playlists, and emotionally eating were my go-to’s when I wanted to avoid taking action. I used everything I could think of to procrastinate and distract myself so that I had an excuse not to deal with my emotions. I had so many ideas, but I was terrified to follow through with my initial plans.

At times, I would talk about my goals and ambitions with friends or family, and they would say, “go for it.” Even though I received some positive feedback and validation, I knew it was up to me to push through to obtain my goals fearlessly. I never thought I would be ready.

I would listen more to the people who doubted me than those who were always rooting for my success. At one point, my self-confidence wasn’t strong enough to overcome my battles with fear and worry. Whenever I decided to pursue a goal, I needed to know from everyone around me how they felt about it. Asking them, “How can I tweak it?” “What would they have done differently?” “Does it seem like I would be good at this?” Instead of believing in my work and having faith in my skills.

Since I felt like it wouldn’t turn out perfectly, I told myself, “nevermind” and I pushed it to the side, trying to never think about it again.

Sitting in comfort became unbearable because I wanted to bring on the bold so bad. I knew that no matter what path I decided to take, I would always receive criticism, and I had to accept that not everyone would approve or understand me or my work. It took a while to realize that my talents aren’t for everyone, I will get judged, and I had to be comfortable performing them without doubting myself.

So, I built up the courage to do things that made me feel vulnerable and exposed myself to new life chapters. Peeking through the blinds and letting the outside sunlight shine in made my eyes squint. My reaction was to hurry up and shut them and keep hiding in the shadows, but I allowed the light to glisten on my skin this time. I no longer wanted to sit in the darkness because I was finally ready to step into the light. The light I had inside was dim for so long that I didn’t know how to make it spark.

I craved new experiences and was ready to release my inner creative beast that has been ready to bust out for years. I was scared to do new things. “What will people think of me?” “Am I good enough?” I was holding back from taking forward steps because I was afraid to unmask and express my authenticity.

It was up to me to gain self-assurance so that I felt comfortable taking risks. I started learning to stay patient with myself. Patience is the key because looking for instant gratification can cause you to give up real fast. Staying serious with putting in the work and believing that it will all work out helped me remain confident in moving forward. I had to trust that my time would come when it was supposed to. The unknown still makes me nervous at times, but if I want to succeed, I have to be strong enough to keep pushing towards my goals no matter the outcome.

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