Generational Trauma: What Are Generational Curses And How Do You Break Them?

Photo by Me! Minneapolis, MN

As I watched the movie Purple Rain, I started thinking about Prince and The Revolution’s song “When Doves Cry.” It stirred up a mental conversation in my mind about breaking generational curses and how often we subconsciously take on our parents, family’s, and ancestors’ behaviors, baggage, traditions, patterns, and habits more than we allow ourselves to believe we do. I could feel the pain in the lyrics:

“Maybe I’m just like my father, too bold/Maybe you’re just like my mother/She’s never satisfied (she’s never satisfied). Why do we scream at each other?/This is what is sounds like/When doves cry.”

Doves symbolize peace, love, unity, purity, and harmony. So, if a dove is crying, it would mean that their innocence and tranquility are being wiped away by the tears that they shed. The happy and pure childhood we should have experienced can be stripped away by our parental and ancestral wounds.

We end up carrying all of that unhealed pain and guilt with us into adulthood, causing us to project those emotions onto others and attracting people who behave in the same patterns that we are emotionally running away from.

Have you ever said as a kid that you never wanted to do something that your parents did, and as you got older, you realized that you now do that same thing?

I know I have, and many of those stories I heard about different family members throughout my life followed me into adulthood. I didn’t even realize I was following many generational patterns until I started my self-love healing journey.

Examples of generational and ancestral patterns and trauma:

1. Your mom used to dedicate Sundays to cleaning the house and having dinner at the table with the whole family. Whenever you missed a Sunday, she would punish you for missing family dinner. Now you find yourself cooking and cleaning on Sundays too. It upsets you whenever you have other obligations on a Sunday and you get mad when your kids and partner can’t make it to dinner.

2. You learned how to cope with your emotions alone at a young age because you didn’t receive much attention and compassion from your family. Now, you are closed off, avoidant, and afraid to open your heart to love because you don’t want to get hurt again.

3. You witnessed toxic and abusive relationships and friendships all around you growing up. Your father was an alcoholic and used to abuse your mother. As you got older, you found yourself involved in unemotional, abusive, and co-dependent relationships because that is what you were used to seeing. You cope with your emotions with addictions.

4. Your grandparents expected perfection from your mother, and she tried her best to please them. As you were growing up, your mom expected perfection from you as well. Now you struggle with perfectionism.

5. Your family was poor when you were a kid. They could barely put food on the table, and you had to shop at the thrift store for clothes. As you get older and start making enough money to support yourself, you are addicted to having material assets and have three freezers full of food.

It’s hard to work through and heal our emotions instead of pushing and burying them deep down into the pit of our souls. It takes a while to understand that most of the pain and trauma we hold on to didn’t start with us. They are mainly toxic cycles passed down to us from past generations. I call it the “train of pain.”

Don’t get me wrong; our family lessons and traditions are valuable and inspiring. Life is hard, and everyone has triggers, pain, and traumas. Learning and forgiving my family didn’t mean that I accepted or agreed with every action; most of all, it helped me forgive myself. It allowed me to be more open to taking risks and remove programmed self-limiting beliefs from my mindset.

Identifying the behaviors, patterns, and unhealed emotions takes:

1. Honesty

2. Accountability

3. Compassion

4. Love

5. Forgiveness

6. Acceptance

7. Self-reflection

8. Healing your inner-child

I didn’t want to spend my whole life blaming family but continuously following the same patterns and mistakes. So, instead of self-sabotaging, I decided to take accountability for my actions and take the opportunity to learn my family history and change what was no longer aligning with my values and future goals.

Defying the odds and change is uncomfortable and often lonely, but knowing what is best for you and your future family can motivate you to break the cycles that no longer benefit you.

It is up to us to break the habitual pain cycles to change our and the next generation’s narrative. We don’t have to get “set in our ways” or “play it safe.” As long as we are alive, we have the ability to edit or rewrite our stories.

Prince and the revolution — when doves cry. Genius. (n.d.). Retrieved November 15, 2021, from https://genius.com/Prince-and-the-revolution-when-doves-cry-lyrics.

©Reconditioning The Soul, LLC Copyright

All of the personal blogs, videos, and services provided by Reconditioning The Soul, LLC are copyrighted and cannot be reproduced, distributed, re-branded, or used for any other purposes than for supporting your healing journey and for entertainment purposes only. Reconditioning The Soul, LLC content and services do not replace medical or psychological treatment. If needed, please seek medical or professional advice if you need further assistance or that is more aligned with your own personal beliefs.

Services