How The Pandemic Prompted A Much Needed Self-Reflection

Reflecting on 2021 thanks to the Hermit tarot card, I realized that it was the year of personal revelations, lessons, and growth, which turned into one of the loneliest years I have ever endured. Who knew that turning your focus inward would make everything around you change. When life is constantly moving, and you suddenly have to slow down, things you never really wanted to look at start slapping you in the face.

Not only have I been secluded in the house for the last two years, but I also have spent the majority of that time in the words of Eric Carmen, “All By Myself.” No, I didn’t want to be all by myself, but I didn’t have a choice but to reflect inward and drown in my thoughts.

Talking to some of my married friends, they often complained about how annoyed they were being around their significant others all day. The ones with kids were irritated by being constantly distracted while working. Since I am single with no kids, I thought how nice it must be to have support and companionship during such tumultuous times.

It seems like when you have one thing, you wish for the opposite circumstances. I know for sure that I would have loved to have daily face-to-face interactions with another human instead of talking to my walls. It ended up being a journey that I needed to take alone.

Who really wants to sit alone and think about everything they always knew they needed to change? It’s not easy being honest with yourself, and it’s even harder to make the necessary changes without hiding behind multiple distractions. I wasn’t able to pretend like things were OK because I knew deep down they weren’t.

Eric Carmen sings:

“Living alone/I think of all the friends I’ve known/But when I dial the telephone/Nobody’s home.”

Once we went into quarantine, my relationships with others slowly started drifting apart, and a sense of loneliness washed over me. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy my own company, especially when making Tik Tok’s, but that didn’t stop the emotional turmoil from happening when I realized what I thought was my support system was crumbling right before my eyes.

I think the universal powers whispered to me, “2021 is going to be the year I will bring you back to your own reality, whether you like it or not.”

I went through a series of lessons, and all of the things I have tried to avoid, whether physically or subconsciously, suddenly hit me all at once like a thousand knives cutting me open to reveal my hidden wounds and scars. There was no more hiding from me, and no more ego masks were allowed to disguise my authentic self.

The 8 most significant lessons I learned from my self-reflection:

1. The love I have for myself is the most important love. I deserve love.

2. To grow, I had to heal my inner wounds and trauma. Forgive and let go of guilt and grudges.

3. Walk away from situations and people that no longer align with my current values and goals.

4. Never underestimate my ability to make my dreams and passions come true. I don’t need others’ approval first.

5. Trust my intuition in all situations. Gut feelings are the ultimate red flag warning.

6. Don’t hide. Be authentic. It’s OK to be comfortable with who I am.

7. Set clear boundaries and let go of my need to try to control things.

8. Let go of old habits, codependency, and addictions. It’s distracting me from reaching my goals.

Being open and honest with myself during my alone time was one of the most beneficial moments in my life. It was a growth period that I never knew I needed because I always ran from facing my truths without knowing.

I had to learn that nobody else could heal me, but me and that’s a hard pill to swallow. No more codependency was allowed.

The ultimate lesson for me was learning that we can shift our realities from clearing out the old internal and external energy that we have held on to for years with the understanding that it has stopped us from reaching our highest potential all along.

By the end of 2021, my whole perspective of my life had changed, and I stand wholeheartedly in the saying for 2022 that it’s going to be a “new year, new me.”

Without all of the trials and tribulations, I would have stayed in the same lack mindset, stayed hiding in the shadows, accepted less than I deserved, and I wouldn’t have trusted myself enough to move towards doing the things that fill my soul with passion.

It takes some personal peace to discover the underlying issues we avoid working through, which is why it’s challenging to spend a significant amount of time alone. After the rain pours, sunshine and rainbows will eventually follow, and a new and improved self will soon shine like the sun.

AZLyrics — request for access. AZLyrics.com. (n.d.). Retrieved January 6, 2022, from https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ericcarmen/allbymyself.html

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