Why Is It So Hard To Let Go When You Know You Deserve Better?

So many of us have been in relationships that still affect us to this day. Sometimes, we also take some of our past baggage into our current relationships, not knowing that our bonds would be stronger and healthier if we released the past.

I thought my ego was protecting my inner child, but that didn’t stop me from settling on what I thought was love. They say, “the heart wants what the heart wants,” but is the relationship healthy enough to keep my heart beating properly?

I feel like the song “Be Happy” by Mary J Blige matches my past relationship struggles perfectly. She sings:

“How can I love somebody else/If I can’t love myself enough to know/When it’s time/Time to let go”

I didn’t have many role models or experiences with who you would call a “good man,” but dating men who weren’t good for me felt safer. “Safer,” as in I knew that they would end up breaking my heart just like everyone else in my life, so why not chase something that already felt familiar in a sense (subconsciously).

I went through high school without dating because my mom was pretty strict. So you know, I was rather naïve when it came to relationships, and I had the book smarts and lacked the street smarts, if you know what I mean!

I ended up dating emotionally unavailable, abusive, and narcissistic men that slowly changed me into someone I didn’t recognize anymore. Everyone around me would question why I stayed with them so long when I should have known that I deserved better? In the words of Mary:

“But when you think you’re in love/You only see what you wanna see”

When the heart is in too deep, we become blinded by the toxic love—losing ourselves without being honest about what’s presented right in front of our eyes.

I longed for healthy relationships, but I wasn’t fully healed enough to attract one into my life at the time. I would have definitely broken their heart as a trauma response because I replayed scenarios and automatically believed that someone new would be the same as someone I dealt with in the past.

Forgiving myself and others to move forward into new beginnings was the hardest thing for me to do. Letting go and moving forward was difficult because the pain and past lingered inside my mind and heart for so long that I thought it was normal.

I didn’t know what genuine love was because I barely experienced it, and I didn’t love myself enough to understand how to differentiate manipulation from unconditional love.

I often accepted people for who they are, even if they weren’t beneficial for my life. In other words, I settled for potential over relationships that already align with my values and future goals.

Over time, I realized that when you have relationships in your life that are misaligned with your current frequency vibration, you end up adjusting yourself to align with theirs. You can only attract as high as your love is for yourself. Our choices and actions create our circumstances, so if you don’t choose wisely, you will accept less than you deserve if you don’t stand firm in your worth and truth.

I had to teach myself how to let go of control and let everything flow naturally into my life.

Meaning, I had to understand that we attract the right person when the time is right. If you don’t take the time to heal old wounds, nobody will ever feel good enough for you, or you keep attracting the same energy in a different body.

I started watching for red flags and setting boundaries while dating because we can’t mold someone into who we want them to be. Taking more time to see someone for who they are while trusting my intuition when determining if they are for my highest good. Deep inside, we know!

A great affirmation for relationships is “I don’t chase, I attract. What is meant for me will simply find me.”

AZLyrics — request for access. AZLyrics.com. (n.d.). Retrieved December 28, 2021, from https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/maryjblige/behappy.html

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